VOICE OF SIKH YOUTH
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My Hair, and trying to speak Punjabi

Im 21 years old and not sure if i really am a Sikh. I have traction alopecia and have lost about 2 inches of my hair from the front of my head, ive lost roghly about half my hair.
This has occured through my older sister/mum pulling tightly on hair and also throw traumatic stress.
Even though i wear a turban i feel a fake singh, only my immediate family know about this. Its very traumatic because i worry about marriage and never leave the house without a patka.
Also i cannot speak alot of punjabi even though ive tried very hard to learn. My family do not speak so i do not see my cosuins, and my friends are mostly non-sikhs, i do not visit the gudwara anymore because i was embarrassed when people assumed i spoke punjabi, and i ended up feeling ashamed and guilty that i could not respond.
I respect Guru Nanak and what the other Guru's said, however i feel that being a true sikh is ultimately believing a good and showing this in a way that is honest and truthful. So i treat my body with respect and try to be honest myself to other people. I do not feel i have to separate from the crowd to belong to Sikhism.
I am a Human Being first, and then a Sikh , i think we should create our own religion by looking at works well for us and others. Not blindly following what others have said. Even if what they said is right, after you have questioned it then u can trully understand it.
So i am seriously considering shaving my hair off completely, why? because i feel from seeing other sikhs in my family who ''seem'' to be good sikhs behave in ways that seriously hurt others, i feel like i need to find my own way, and in a way i think Guru Nanak would have respected that. Its just going to be difficult for others to understand why im going to shave my hair.
I was concerened, that i would not be able to get married to a Sikh girl in the future, but then i asked myself would i want a girl who looks at the image we will present or whould she respect me and that i am a Sikh, with or without hair.
I feel a deep spiritual connection with Sikhism its in born , like breathing - someone can not judge another person and say he is not a sikh because he does not keep his hair long and speak punjabi.
Many Sikhs, including the men in my family trim their beards, so how much of a Sikh are they 90% or 80%?
As human beings one of our main aims has been to survive, so im thinking that if i dont cut my hair and i learn to speak punjabi in a few years i will have a better chance of getting married to a Sikh girl, and continuing the Sikh way of life. I feel through my circumstances and the fact that my hair has fallen out, that i should do what i ''feel'' and that is to shave my hair, because im scared to hiding and feeling anxious, if anyone sees it.

Re: My Hair, and trying to speak Punjabi

i hate to break it to you but if you remove your hair you arent a sikh at all. guru nanak put down 3 basic principles when he baptised mardana into the newly formed faith. these were:

wake up at amrit vela
serve all other gursikhs
dont cut your hair.

leaving the hair in hte natural form and respect for waheguru is no1 in sikhi in terms of code of conduct. if you want to remove it, fine, but just to let you know if you do, then you arent a sikh anymore.

who cares about what other people do, they are not you....if you feel "fake" with a phug....dont get rid of the phug....just get rid of the "fakeness"....get a english translation gutka and read punjabi words in english letters...wake up at amritvela...dont drink or smoke etc.....

my punjabi is pretty bad aswell....but who cares? get a few "teach yourself punjabi" books, learn the akkhars, and try and learn a word every day. its not hard really. maybe even get a tutor. from your post i see someone who is a tad lazy (no offence) and you need to push yourself a bit instead of giving up.

cutting your hair isnt going to help, especially when guru gobind singh specifically gave a command saying LIVE AS A KESADHARI SIKH.

if you truley want to get spiritual bliss and contentment and mukti from this life its not going to be handed to you on a plate. make a big effort and within a month or 2 you will see a big difference.

at your low spiritual level you wont be able to see a difference between keeping hair, or not eating meat, or not waking up at amritvela, but do lots of paath and trust you will.

Re: My Hair, and trying to speak Punjabi

fateh ji..

i agree with KS ji...
veeji.. i wouldn't suggest you cut your hair cut your hair
just because your afraid of what others will think... you
your family.. if you call yourself a sikh then you should
keep faith in the guru...
roop (body/appearence)dosen't matter if your heart is clear
... our guru's have given up so much .. just to give us an
understanding of how important these things are... and trust
me it wasn't that long ago that we start forgetting those
enormous sacrifices... again virji.. it's not important of
what others think... when you die.. they're nto going to go
with you saying that you dont look good... infact the only
one who's with you right now and is going to go with you is
the one and only waheguru (god)...
and instead of thinking what the worldly moorakhs say think
about what the guru will think of you after you shave your
head...

as for marriage... it'd good that your thinking about it..
but letme tell you somethin... i'm sure you know the differnce
between good and bad ppl... well if your wife loves you for
your appearence.. what kind of soulmate will she be...
i'm sure theres someone out there who will respect you for
who u r...
trust the guru...
keep faith in waheguru...
he will do nothing bad for his beloved sikh...
and if you shave your kesh (hair) your not a sikh anymore
and you will deal through your problems alone.. without a guru

i will post a story... it's about a woman.. but it tells how
you will feel after you have followed your guru's teachings...
adn how much love you recieve in return....

Fateh ji..
take care..
i hope you make the right choice...

My hair has been falling out, and im questioning my beliefs on Sikhism

Thanks for replying, so people who have cut hair are they not Sikhs?, because i know some Sikhs with cut hair who are better Sikhs than me.

I have seen Sikhs with hair do some pretty horrible things, unforgivable things, and some are IN MY FAMILY, who have not cut their hair. So i am confused, my family have no interest in Sikhism. And

its a struggle, because im teaching myself.
From the tight pulling on my hair, ihave already lost half of it, from falling out. I have been told that by cutting it, i will be giving it a BETTER CHANCE TO GROW BACK, so im confused; i would be cutting it inorder for it to come back stronger, is that so wrong?

To simply say no, i think is wrong, because there arnt any Guru's around now, im sure that any intelligent Singh would have the intelligence to think that the ideas of sikhism would have changed.

If Guru Gobind was alive now he might have made a new way to follow Sikhism, For Sikhism to surive i feel each person needs to take reaspnsibilty for themselves. If u want to believe in a placebo, and say i would not be a Sikh if i cut my hair maybe wrong or maybe right. Who am i to judge another person.

I beleive in respect, and if that makes me not a Sikh in you eyes, then so be it. Because we only have one life, i do NOT smoke or drink! because i respect my body. I am a unique position and i feel its unfair for u judge and simply say ''u will not be a sikh'', i am more spirutal as i get older, i am a human being, i believe in the beauty of life; of the energy inside of us, and it is obtainable by a belief in ourselves not a belief in a higher being ''God''.

MY HAIR HAS BEEN FALLING OUT, BY MUM AND OLDER SISTER COMBING AND PULLING MY HAIR TIGHTLY FROM 6-10 YEARS. AND THE HAIR AT THE FRONT WILL NEVER GROW BACK, COS NO ONE IN MY FAMILY WAS BOTHERED TO NOTICE WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME. I AM DEPRESSED BECAUSE I DONT LOOK LIKE ANOTHER SINGH, AND IF I CUT IT IM A BAD SINGH. I AM VERY DEPRESSED ABOUT IT

Re: My hair has been falling out, and im questioning my beliefs on Sikhism

waheguru ji ka khalsa '
waheguru ji ki fateh

veerji it's hard to say but you've got a lot of wrong ideas
on sikhism.. i htink you are mixing up with punjbai and sikhi
as at where punjabi's stand it's nto a religin but a culture
you can make as many rules as you please and change them
whenever you want... but sikhism is a religion.. it already
has rules made by our guru's.. and our job as sikhs is to folow
them andnot make our own...
i am a moorakh (idiot) and can't answer your questions
althogh i do suggest that you lok for your answers in the guru
granth sahib.. and also dasam granth.. you can get the translations
on sikhnet.com it's pretty easy to go through...
as you said.. sikhs with hair do some pretty horrible things...
well according to the stuff that they do.. they should or shouldn't
be called sikhs.. but we're no one to judge .. the guru judges those..
they might look like a sikh from the outside but no one knows
what they're reall ylike from the inside... if you know who thy realy
are adn you don't c them as a very good person.. you should avoid their
sangat... in fact all that we need to know is taught in the sggs...

as you haev been told thatby cutting or shaving your hair they wil grow
stronger than before... well if they do.. do you think guru ji is going
to be happy. when you believe and call yourself a sikh follow what guru
ji says.. as we are students of the guru.. so follow him and he will help
you out....
veerji it's hard to say.. btu you have too much "main" (pride/ego) in yourself..
you believe that you can get through this life alone.. well you r wrong..
nothing is ours... al is god created.. god has given you this life to improve
yourself... whatever your past deeds are.. and it's hard to share this stuff out
in the open.. i really respect that about you.. but let go of the main believe in god..
and whatever he does is for your on good... .. thank him...
i havn't gone through what you are going through.. so i don't exactly know what's
right or wrong..
veer ji that energy inside of us .. is god.. you believe in that and not a higher being
well. that energy you believe in is god ... i want you to think aould a human create
something like this world.. humans.. universe.. ever wonder how it happened..??
it's in the bani.. read it.. it'll explain eveerything..

stop thinking what others wil say...
you want to become a singh.. stay the way you are.. keep your dastar.. no one knows
whast under there... and keep your faith in god.. waheguru ji will think higher of you..
don't get depressed about it.. ask god for whast better.. you'll get your answer..
KEY to peace is in BANI

i'm sorry if i said anything wrong..
bhul chuk muaaf

waheguru ji ka khalsa
waheguru ji ki fateh